Bikeride From H-E-L-L...

It seemed like a simple enough task: An hour bike ride. Even though I had never really done that before I was sure it wouldn't be a problem because we could be flexible on speed. No big deal.

I bought a new bike seat in anticipation for the ride. Well, I needed a new one anyway since my old one is just too hard, and this seemed like the right time. I was really excited about it because it is really squishy soft and it was on sale. Bonus! I brought it home and even managed to put it on all by myself. I was feeling pretty good about things. Pre-ride we inflated our tires and I learned that mine were severely low. Now equipped with a new seat and freshly inflated tires, I was sure we'd rock out on the ride.

We got to the park, rode a little, and stretched. The seat felt like it was kind of angled upwards kinda funny, but I figured I'd get used to it. After the warm-up I got back on my bike I noticed the seat was a little bit loose. I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. I was wrong. But first I had to ride 22 minutes in to discover how wrong I was...

So yes, 22 minutes in we stopped for Kate to adjust her foot cramp. It was at that point that my seat really loosened up. And we realized that not only was the seat loose from side to side but that it could be tilted forward and back. And not only could it be tilted up and down but it wouldn't stay in one spot but kept shifting with every minute movement. It was at this point I knew I was in for a long ride back...

...but I had no idea how long of a ride back it would be. You see, the seat wouldn't stay still for a moment, but kept shifting and shifting. I was left with two options: To either do my best to ride on it and keep it still, or to try to stand lifting myself off the seat for most of the ride back. I chose a little bit of both options. Neither was pleasant. The first option meant that all of my weight was distributed on my, well, let's say it was not on my butt but further forward. OUCH. Yeah. And the second option just meant more engaged muscles and a sore back.

At this point you're getting the drift that it wasn't a good time. Eventually I got annoyed enough that I asked Kate to stop with me so I could take a break. She graciously volunteered to ride my bike on out and let me use hers. Perhaps she is a masochist. I think she was just being nice. Anyway, of course I took her up on that offer. As she sped off into the distance (she opted for the "pedal hard and then cruise while being off the seat" method) I proceeded to get my pants caught in the bike's gears. As I watched her fade away in the distance, I tried to go forwards, backwards, but there was no budging. "I can't believe this" I mumbled and pulled off the road to fix it. It was stuck pretty good and after much yanking I finally got the damn pants out of the bike. Chuckling, I rolled my pants up all dorky style and pushed on the pedal to finally catch up to Kate.

Ah, but not so fast! I had pulled the chain off while dealing with the pants fiasco. Now if you recall, I'm not exactly a "bike person" and what I mean by this is, yes, this is my first time dealing with a chain being off a bike and having to fix it myself. What to do? It was at this time that I saw a truck approaching and felt a mix of delight and embarrassment as I heard it slow down. Park Ranger. Don't I feel like the cool kid now. I tried to get some words together but probably didn't make much sense. I fumbled with the chain as he stood there for a moment and then I felt like I worked it out OK and told him I was set. He was pretty much on his way out anyway. As I started off again, I could see him stop up ahead in the distance, talking to Kate. I finally approached to find out that the nut had come flying off the seat, leaving Kate worse off than before. Thankfully we were by the exit at this time and since he didn't have a wrench, Kate rode off the seat for the end of the ride.

So you think the badness ends there? Nope. We got back to the car, stretched, packed the bikes in, and headed home. When we got home we were pulling the bikes out with what little strength we could muster. It wasn't much. The bikes were a little tangled (we stack them in the Jeep, etc.) and when we got them out I told Kate to check hers out to see if it was riding OK since the chain incident. She said it felt a little funny and then we noticed that the front line was severed-- the breaks! So now Kate needs to get her bike to the shop to replace the break line (if that is even what it is) and I need to bring mine in for a seat adjustment. UGH!!!

Well, they say he who has not tasted bitter cannot taste sweet. I'm waiting for the sweet to come, baby!